


Comfort of Strangers

by mangacrack



Series: 911 Works [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Emotions, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2020-11-27 22:13:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 15,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20955743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mangacrack/pseuds/mangacrack
Summary: "I don't want anyone else to have your heart, kiss your lips or be in your arms. Because that's my place."Buck and Eddie grow closer, one kiss at a time.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning:** usual rating for the show, though I try to tone it down the angst. On background simmer will be my personal speculations of Maddie's and Buck's childhood, but you don't have to read too much into it. 
> 
> **Author's Note:** Take this as self-medication after S3E03, though this thing is entirely unrelated. My heart needs to calm the fuck down after what just happened.

01\. wake up kisses pressed gently to the column of A’s neck or the underside of B’s jaw. 

They crashed at Buck's house after a long hard shift. At first, Eddie had just wanted to wind down a little, not trusting himself to drive back home when his fingers were still trembling from exhaustion. But the one beer and the pizza turned into watching cartoons on Buck's TV and two hours in Eddie decided to stay for the night. It was too late to put Christopher to bed anyway. The horrors of the last shift at least ensured that his son is taken care of, as always when the department dealt with larger, out-of-the-norm emergencies.

Eddie's dozing already, his head fallen onto Buck's shoulders when a pointed finger pokes into his ribs.

"C'mon, get up. Sleeping on the couch won't help any of us," Buck mumbles, sounding just as tired as Eddie feels. "Bed is big enough for both of us."

Freshly showered, sated and still bruised Eddie thinks falling onto a soft mattress sounds heavenly. He lets himself be pulled upright and together they stumble up the stairs. Not for a second, it crosses his mind that this could be weird. Nor does Buck offer him the couch. In the past, they have napped in worse places, usually at the station or in the firetruck. Sharing a bed doesn't even register on the things he should be worried about.

Rather, it's comforting, falling onto the bed with Buck. They barely manage to kick off their pants and their socks before their heads it the pillows and Eddie is fast asleep seconds after he made sure Buck is right next to him. Like he always is.

  


-

  


Sun breaks through the half-closed curtains, but both men still slumbering in Evan Buckley's bed have learned to ignore brightness in favour of catching up on some sleep. In the end, it's Eddie who stirs first. During the night they shifted closer, instinctively seeking comfort from another after pulling dead bodies out of a collapsed building for hours.

Sleepy and too dazed to have seconds thoughts about it, Eddie scrambles closer. He grabs the blanket one of them kicked away and pulls it back over their bodies. Through an open window chilly morning air dances over his naked skin. Eddie tries to will it shut through the power of his mind, resisting the idea of getting up and leaving the cosy cocoon. For of course he'd use the bathroom while he adds it, turn on the coffee machine since he's on the way and Eddie knows himself well enough that he won't be going back to bed afterwards.

Eddie cannot help himself. With Buck curled against his side, the nose buried in his neck and still breathing deeply, he refuses to move.

There hadn't been any close calls last night, but they all know the risks. Counting the bruises on Buck's skin is reminder enough how fragile firefighters can be, despite all their training. In a way, seeing them in the light of the new morning it's worse because dust, dirt and the uniform hid the worst.

Carefully Eddie reaches around Buck, placing a hand on the other man's back. He tells himself it's because he doesn't want his arm to fall asleep, but as he touches the warm skin he admits it's to assure himself Buck is still alive. His friend is an amazing firefighter, someone he'd have loved to have at his side in Afganistan, though the situations they get in here are often no less dangerous. Every time Buck heads in there first, each time Buck watches Eddie's six, there is a risk of losing him.

Like the falling debris almost burying Buck alive yesterday. It didn't hit him, thank god. But it could've been close. Just a few feet to the left and the support beam could have ended their lives.

Eddie doesn't think so much about his own possible death. He made peace with it a long time ago.

What causes sleepless nights are the thoughts of one day have Buck dead or fading away right in front of his eyes. Yet, the thought of letting him go, leaving him alone and have him face the world on his own is even worse.

"Stop, I can hear you thinking." Buck's voice is faint, a nearly inaudible murmur. "I'm fine. So are you. Leave it at that for a moment."

Eddie feels something warm and soft brush against his neck which sends a pleasant shiver down his spine. Of course, Buck has fallen asleep again not even a few seconds later, but Eddie has trouble following him. Suddenly he feels wide awake and fully aware of the warm body pressed against his side and Buck's arms wrapped around his waist.

Suddenly, nothing about this feels innocent anymore.

  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the overwhelming feedback.

02. cheek kisses - that leave red lipstick stains

  
  


Buck never minded people they rescued and their families showing up at the fire station to show their gratitude. He certainly doesn't mind the food they leave behind and it's nice to feel appreciated. It helps, seeing faces again they rushed to the hospital, healed enough to come around to thank them in person. It makes it easier to let off the people they can't help. 

Until today Buck never had a problem with them. There had been times when he used the opportunity to flirt with pretty girls and beautiful women, though he learned to stay clear of people whose lives he had saved personally. That just screamed for trouble. 

He has no idea why the girls flocking him and Eddie today irritate him so much today. With Chimney having organized another 'Donate your Blood' event, he cannot even send them away. Instead, he smiles through his teeth and tries to work his charms on some of them to have them fill out the necessary forms. 

His eyes keep trailing to the corner where Eddie entertains an entire group of excited harpies. Even from the distance Buck can tell his partner is a little uncomfortable, for they keep touching him and singing praises for rescuing them a few weeks ago. 

If hadn't it been bad enough, carrying six dumb, drunk and very hysteric girls to safety one by one. 

"They should leave him alone," Buck grumbles under his breath when he fosters the first batch of girls to the beds. "I have seen Eddie run in burning buildings with less tension between his shoulders." 

"He will be fine, it's for a good cause," Maddie offers. With her nurse training and her relationship with Chimney she often volunteers for the task of drawing blood. 

His face must look thunderous because his sister laughs and swats him away. 

"Come on, don't be jealous. You will have him back at the end of the day," she says. "Be grateful that the girls brought so many of their friends. If we get their blood then they can ogle at hot firemen a little." 

Buck only grunts and stalks back to his desk. The hidden meaning of his sister's words only registers when he catches Eddie swiping smears of red lipstick from his cheeks. 

Hot, burning rage pools in his stomach and it entirely catches Buck off guard that the intensity is directed at gawking chickens running around at the fire station. 

"Damned," Buck curses and runs a hand through his hair. "Now that's bad timing for a wake-up call." 

  
  


\- 

  
  


The day drags by. The heat and the surprising number of volunteers wear them down. Only when everything is put away and even the last has gone home, Buck is able to catch a quiet minute with Eddie. Stuck at the desk, he hadn't been able to think beyond his realization how badly he wanted to pry those girls off his partner. 

"Hey, are you okay?" He asks, touching Eddie's shoulders to get his attention. 

"I'm not the one who had to sit in the sun the entire day, forced to make endless small talk." 

"I also had a desk between me and the relentless harassment." 

The long wary sigh tells Buck he's right. Overly friendly people aren't anything new to them, firefighters have a different rep than the officers walking the streets. But given the looks in Eddie's eyes, it doesn't make the touching, the groping and lack of physical distance okay. 

"I'll be alright. It's over now. Thankfully we wear gear outside the station, though." Eddie shrugs, trying to play it off. Buck gets that he doesn't want to talk about it. 

Maybe it's not the best place for such conversations - and Bobby waiting for them with dinner. He folds his concern away, neatly like a favourite, washed-out T-shirt you are afraid of damaging. Buck tugs it away, these thoughts for Eddie and follows behind him. Unhurried and without the rush, without the need to jump into things. 

For he knows Eddie will be there. Today, tomorrow, the next week ... a comfortable weight settles in Buck's chest. It's the belief that Eddie won't be leaving his side. He feels confused about how deep that faith runs.

But it also means that whatever conversation he wants to have with his partner, they will find a time and a place and Buck is confident that Eddie will listen. 

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

03\. tender kisses - when one brings home flowers for the other 

The coffee is stale and terrible. At this point, Buck is unfortunately used to it. On the other hand, it's one of the universal constants that hospitals don't have anything better. Therefore it's almost comforting that the coffee always tastes the same no matter what clinic they end up in.

"How it's going?" Eddie's voice is hushed as he hands Buck a steaming cup. A new one, from across the street and Buck sips at it with near-religious fervour.

"The same which is a good sign I have been told. Each hour she keeps breathing brighten her chances."

With a sigh, Eddie drops down next to him. This time it's not of them. Small comfort for Riley is just as part of the fire station, assigned to a different shift.

"She is going to make it. She has to, Riley is a great woman," Eddie mumbles. He fumbles with his own cup, restless and probably torn between staying and going home.

"Hm." Buck makes a small noise. He volunteered to stay for a while, he's the only one currently not having someone waiting at home.

It's strange how tragedies can hit and life still goes on outside of the hospital. Athena's kids have an important event coming up at school which means Bobby wants to be there. Chimney is on a weekend trip with Maddie and Hen has plans with Karen. It means a lot to Buck that Eddie found time to come over. He could be spending time with his son.

"Who is watching Christopher?" He asks, closing his eyes. Buck knows all people Eddie trusts his son with. He counts himself lucky he's among them.

"Carla. She is over at the house to help with some of the medical stuff that came with the mail."

Buck huffs, it's the first honest laugh in hours. "Sounds like she chased you out."

Eddie grins. "Yeah, she did. Told me to take care of you since we all know you won't move your ass until there is news."

It goes unsaid that Eddie won't move from his spot either. They had this argument in the past and no matter their own opinion, they won't get past Carla's unyielding will.

"We are lucky to have her." Buck finishes his coffee and tries to work out the knots in his neck. "One day she is going to take over the fire station if we aren't careful."

Eddie's answering chuckle is soft, a bright spot of hope inmidst of the hospital life. Most of the other team is still huddled in a corner, comforting Riley's husband who brought flowers. He still has them clutched in his hands and keeps murmuring under his breath.

Odd how detached someone can be from a situation. Buck's head are not running thoughts of how it will affect him if Riley dies. There is no wave of devastation. Rather he goes over the roster, who will take Riley's place since she is going into to be in rehab even if she makes it through. He thinks of Hen's holiday plans, his own still pending for approval and how he is going to make sure he can be there for Christopher's birthday if they fall through.

He feels like an asshole, being so cruel and shallow while Riley is fighting for her life with each breath.

"Buck," Eddie calls him out after a while.

Blinking, Buck wonders how much time has passed and why he didn't notice Eddie taking his hand into his own.

"We should leave. You need to sleep, we have a shift to cover tomorrow." Eddie's hand feels warm. "Riley won't thank you if pass out on a hospital chair."

"I know, it's just...," Buck's voice trails off. It's difficult to put his thoughts into words. "We are friends. Normal friends. I don't have many of those."

The admission is a surprise, but it's true. Riley is an exception when it comes to people Buck hangs out with. They are not _ close. _He doesn't get invited for barbecues, he knows her husband only in passing, but she is a friendly face at work. She is someone he trains with in the gym. They fight over the last piece of the pie. He pranks her and she chases him through the station until Bobby forces them to stop.

It's all in good nature and until today he never thought about how much Riley brightens his day.

Buck wants to sob. Emotions are crashing down on him like a wave. Riley acts like a sister or a cousin and he never realized it. Perhaps because Maddie is so much older and was forced to take care of him from the beginning, so he completely missed how normal sibling relationship looked like.

-

Buck allows Eddie to drag him to the parking lot. The assembled visitors barely notice their departure. It's cruel how they are trapped waiting for news while the pair simply moves on. Each step towards Eddie's car feels like a betrayal, no matter how Riley would chew him out for it. Would she be able to, she would insist on that Buck has a job to do, a shift to cover, lives to save.

His eyes are drawn to the sky. It doesn't look like as if it's going to rain soon. Buck hopes it will. It would fit his mood far better than facing the never-ending beach weather. For it means there are always people having a good time. Too many calls involve stupid drunks at parties, accidents at the beach or reckless college students. It's never _ serious _and sometimes Buck hates the city for forgetting the struggling citizens that barely make it through the day.

Like Riley.

A soft touch startles him. Only, because it's so incredibly tender. Eddie's presence is too deeply ingrained into his soul to surprise him anymore. The sudden proximity doesn't even register in his brain. Not when he spends the better part of the day barely two feet away from Eddie and they breathe through stressful shifts in sync.

The spot on his forehead tingles where Eddie touches him a second ago. Despite being on the verge to burst in tears, Buck forces himself to look into his partner's eyes.

"I'm there," Eddie says. He lifts his hand, pulls Buck closer and rubs the back of his neck with his thumb. "It's hard. I won't promise you that it will be alright. But no matter if you carry her through rehab or to her final resting place, I _ swear _that you are not alone with this."

The large lump in his throat prevents Buck from speaking, so he just nods. He lets Eddie draw circles onto his skin for minutes until they finally climb into the car together.


	4. Chapter 4

04\. sticky ice cream kisses - sitting on a bench in the park and laughing against each other’s lips. 

  


Eddie isn't blind. Unlike Buck, he isn't obvious to his feelings.

He noticed the warmth pooling in his gut over the last weeks. He used to brush it aside. It's easy to dismiss a touch after a long shift.

Not that Eddie is embarrassed about sharing so much with Buck.

In Afganistan, he learned to take comfort from all kinds of places. Though, he admits it's easier when it's done anonymously. Friends and comrades overseas had been easier to get along with than his wife waiting back home.

His family is large and numerous. Fleeting contacts with too many cousins, mashed up sleeping constellations and quick arrangements for the holidays were so normal during his childhood that Eddie never contemplated how a long-lasting connection to a single person would look like.

Shannon, he married because it made sense. It was easy, but in truth, he muddled through their relationship long before Christopher's birth complicated the way they looked at each other. In the end, it was a lot like bullshitting your way through a class for a term and still receiving full marks on a test but knowing absolutely nothing about the subject when it came up in conversation.

Since meeting Buck Eddie finally understood how trust worked. With Shannon, he hadn't such conversations, not anymore and maybe not ever before, but endless hours of working with Buck build up an unshakable faith. A certainty that had him drop to the ground in a second when Buck's voice shouts a warning. That has him watching his friend like a hawk after a bad night. That has him waiting for an hour until Buck finishes cleaning his gear rather than drive home alone.

But nothing of this, not a single moment on their job, compares to watching Buck light up around Christopher.

He doesn't know _ how _but they work seamlessly whenever they are together. Buck makes it look effortless, taking care of Christopher. He cheers him up without even realizing the boy had been in a bad mood the entire morning.

Eddie watches Buck hold Christopher up. With strength and without hesitation, never wasting a thought about how frail the boy actually was. How Christopher had up and downs. How angry he could be about his disabilities sometimes when the world shoved down his throat that he couldn't keep up with his peers.

Never, not once, Eddie had seen Buck recoil, cringe or turn away when Christopher wanted his attention. And he wanted it a lot. His son _ basks _in it.

Eddie thinks it's because each other's flaws are so glaringly obvious and therefore easy to accept. He has also come to believe they are more alike then an outsider might suspect at a first glance. They are both kinds, for instance. With Christopher Eddie knows it's his golden heart, his acceptance for anyone willing to spend time with him. Yet from what he has gleaned from Buck, from Maddie's occasional comments, it wasn't good upbringing and the support of a family that made them turn out this way.

Another proof for his friend's golden soul and his amazing kindness.

There are many more positive things he could list and Eddie thinks he should tell Buck more often what a great human being he is, but right he's too distracted. The words are stuck in his throat and the afternoon suns seem to burn his skin into the shade of a firetruck.

For the half-eaten scoop is left forgotten and the melting icecream runs over Buck's fingers, his hand and down his forearm.

He's too busy laughing at Christopher's antics to notice, but Eddie can't keep his eyes off it.

The sound of the cars on the highway fade into the distance. The noises from the beach white out.

Suddenly all he can focus on is a low desire kindling his gut. It's not just the giddy happiness of seeing Buck and Christopher together. This is not about his son and his partner banding up against him, forcing him into the position of being the voice of reason.

Buck's teasing words echoing through his ears are meant differently, but Eddie clenches his hand around the backrest of the bench they are sitting on and searches for a distraction.

Anything that kills the need to clean Buck's fingers with his tongue.

„Hey, sleepy-head, are you dreaming?“ Buck laughs and snaps his fingers. His grin is as wide as the ocean and just as brilliant and sparkling.

Eddie slowly breathes through his mouth, his gut churning with a longing that spreads from his toes to the tips of his fingers.

Without thinking about it, Eddie grabs Buck's wrist and takes the offending, far too distracting hand into his mouth and licks it clean.

„Wha-...“

Buck isn't able to answer him. The words seem to be stuck in his throat.

When Eddie lets him go and gifts him a smug expression, a single glance between them makes obvious that the ravenous sinful pleasure is plaguing them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO SPOILERS. I haven't seen 3x05 yet.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your support. You are amazing!

05\. kisses left absently - on the backs of hands, fingers entwined in silent comfort

  
  


At the end of a long day, Buck needs the support of Eddie's shoulder, because his knees ache so much. Tremors run through his legs and someone will have to carry him into the shower. After cutting him out of his gear, it feels as if melted with his skin and most of it is probably contaminated, torn and worn thin after the shift they just had. 

Buck can't remember what happened yesterday. He barely remembers the last hour. 

With an earthy scent lingering in his nose it's safe to assume he nodded off and fell asleep against Eddie's shoulder. Who is in a slightly better condition than him, which is only because Bobby paired him with Chimney this time, needing his medical training on the side. 

Hen and him, they did the heavy lifting today. 

"Just a bit further. Then you can sit down and wash off," Eddie promises him. It sounds incredible and Buck hopes his friend won't let him fall. If he hits the ground now, he's not gonna get up anytime soon. 

Buck drifts through a daze, aware this is one of the worst evenings. They are all alive, no one is in the hospital. Hell, none of them requires immediate medical attention which should be fine. Yet, on days like this one, they feel the stress. The mental and physical exhaustion. 

On days like this, it's like they lose on day of their remaining lifetime for every time they risk a life. 

As happy as Buck is with the team and his life, with all faith and optimism having been washed down into the gutter Buck's painfully aware that the statistics don't look good when it comes to a long, healthy life. He doesn't know the exact numbers, but chances are painfully slim that they'll be still here in ten years. Or five, depending on how their luck runs. 

He whimpers when Eddie finally puts him down on a bench. Buck wants to cry, sitting down doesn't help against the ache in his legs. 

"Shh, it's okay." Eddie shrugs off his own jacket effortless before he sinks down to strip Buck of his boots. "Just let me take care of you, Evan. I know it hurts, but it will get better as soon as we get you into a shower."

Buck clings to Eddie's conviction like a drowning man grasping a straw. 

Its Heaven when the socks are finally pulled off. While Eddie throws them right into the trash, Buck marvels that his feet don't look worse. Carefully, he wiggles his toes just to make sure he can move them. Between the muscle ache in his legs, he won't be surprised if he misses a major injury. 

At least he has Eddie here with him. Buck doesn't doubt for a second his friend will arm himself with salves and oils later. It's an established routine, a ritual Eddie refuses to let Buck escape from. If he's honest, he stopped trying a while ago. 

It's  _ nice  _ to have somewhere there at the end of the day. Buck is grateful that he has help dragging his shirt over his head or that he only needs to open his pants and Eddie takes care of pulling them off. 

Without thinking twice, Buck lets Eddie haul him upwards and together they make the last distance to the bathroom. He doesn't care that there are already others in the showers. They are just as tired and too busy holding their face under the stream to make conversation. 

"Do you need help, Buck?" Eddie asks quietly. 

"It's fine. Take care of yourself for once," Buck murmurs and sinks on the bench in the shower stall. 

As nice as it would be to have Eddie wash his hair, and he can't deny he had a few particular dreams in this direction as well, this is not the time nor the place. 

  
  


-

  
  


Hen is the first to join Bobby and Chimney at the table. 

"Buck and Eddie are about to come up. So, remember guys, no funny comments." Hen looks at Chimney in particular. "Which means no hints, no jokes and no teasing." 

Chimney lets out a weary sigh, though it has little to do with the end of the shift. 

"One day, Hen. One day," he says, but he quickly shuts up at the glare he receives. 

It was a bit of a surprise that Hen of all people refused to take bets about the state of Evan Buckley's and Edmundo Diaz relationship. She had gone after everyone with a vengeance, going so far to forbid Bobby saying a single word to his wife unless she figured it out herself. 

"They will tell us when they are ready. Until then, keep your teasing to yourself." Hen intones. It's barely a whisper now since the other firefighters start trickling in and take their seats. "They have both so much to lose if we interfere and it goes wrong. And if they never go past their men-crush for each other than  _ we will respect  _ that, damn it." 

Chimney can't answer anymore since Buck made it to the top of the stairs. He throws in an old man comment and says about aching knees should use the elevator they have. It's safer than focusing on how Eddie hovers behind Buck as if he's afraid he will fall down the stairs at last notice. 

  
  


Later, when most have gone home and Bobby is cleaning the last pots, the captain says, "She's right, you know that?" 

Confused, Chimney raises an eyebrow. 

"You mean what Hen said about Buck and Eddie?" He says. "Captain, I would never..." 

"I know. I know that. You are sensitive enough to wait until either of them is ready to talk," Bobby breaks him off. "It's just that Hen understands their position better in that regard. Buck and Eddie won't have as easy as I did when I stopped sneaking around with Athena around you guys."

Chimney makes a face, "I like to think our folks are better than that." 

As answer Bobby hums, "Their fears and apprehensions are valid, no matter how unfounded they may be." 

  
  


-

  
  


"If you are driving me home, you have to pick me up for work tomorrow," Buck says, one hand at the passenger door to Diaz' car. 

"As if I will let you crawl up the stairs to your bed tonight." Eddie scoffs. "You're coming with me where I can keep an eye on your bruises. Don't think I won't make you call in sick if it doesn't get better in a few hours." 

Buck grumbles a little but he doesn't argue. Maybe he's just proving Eddie's point when he starts massaging his thighs as soon as he has buckled up. He's still sore and the prospect of staying at the Diaz' house tonight is definitely appealing. It's at ground level, outfitted so Christopher can move freely and accessible for all kinds of handicaps. Not to mention that there will be breakfast and snacks waiting in the fridge. 

A hand settles on his thigh, squeezing it gently. Buck sinks back into his seat before he looks at Eddie. 

He reaches out to intervene their fingers. The skin is warm when he rubs his thumb over the back of Eddie's hand. For a moment, he's afraid that his partner will pull away. That Buck was too bold. He'd mourn the loss. It's just such a small gesture, but holding Eddie's hand is a reminder that he has a safety net. Someone to lean on to. Someone whose voice through the comm got him through the day. 

Despite his tiredness, Buck manages to smile. He hopes it portrays everything he can't find the words for. 

Eddie nods and places a kiss on the back of Buck's hand before starting the engine. 

  
  


  
  



	6. Chapter 6

06\. a single loving kiss - left on the other’s forehead when they fall asleep snuggled close together

  
  


There's no excuse for why Buck trails after Eddie like a duckling tonight. He's quiet, unable to fill the silence with chatter or light jokes as he usually does. The ride home is filled with silence. Buck attributes it to the end of a long shift and not the fact they had to stop holding hands because keeping attention to the traffic is more important. 

The longer the drive, the more tightens Buck's chest. He's torn between wanting to take Eddie's hand again and the desire to hide under a blanket for a week. 

"Looks like as if Christopher is still awake," Eddie says as they pull up. It sounds like an apology and by now Buck gets why. 

Raising a kid alone isn't always puppies and sunshine, though Buck thinks Christopher is easier to handle most kids at his age. Now, it's nearing midnight and if Christopher is still up, it means fears or nightmares are plaguing him but the tiredness will have made him cranky. Or stubborn, Christopher can be a lot like his father this way and it's plain for Buck to see that the boy doesn't want to worry his father. 

"It's okay. Go and put him to bed. I will go through the backdoor and talk to Carla," Buck offers. They have learned painfully that Christopher meeting Buck at this hour is extremely counterproductive to putting the kid to bed. 

Eddie nods, looking grateful and throws Buck the keys to his cars. He heeds inside while Buck climbs out to grab their bags from the trunk. 

  
  


-

  
  


Carla's greeting is blunt as always, "You look awful. Can I get you something?" 

"I have already eaten at the station, thank you," Buck waves her concerns aside when he flops down on Eddie's very comfortable couch. "Please, go home, we didn't mean to keep you up for so long." 

"Oh, you know I don't mind helping out. Christopher is such a sweet kid." Carla bustles through the kitchen, preparing the lunchbox for school tomorrow like she always does when she's watching Christopher. 

Buck is sure she's also throwing together a snack, just in case her boys get hungry. He leaves her at that. In the past two years, he has learned that she's unstoppable once Carla made up her mind. 

It's roughly half an hour later when she finally grabs her keys and tells him goodbye. 

"Are you sure you don't want a beer, honey?" She towers above him, hovering near the door. Her worried frown indicates he's close to gaining patient status. 

He shakes his head. "Eddie gave me painkillers and would flip out if I mix them with alcohol now. Besides, I know my way around the house." 

Carla's laugh is far from mocking, yet Buck feels as if he got caught doing something inappropriate. 

He grabs the remote and turns on the TV for distraction. 

  
  


\- 

  
  


"Who is playing?" Eddie asks when he finally emerges from Christopher's bedroom. Ever since the car accident, the boy clings to his father, especially in the evenings. He's trying to hog his father's attention and often tries to cramp as much as he can of his own day into the twenty minutes he needs to get ready for bed. 

"A friendly match between Brazil and South Korea," Buck answers. He rearranges his feet when Eddie joins him on the couch, but every position is a strain for his sore muscles until Eddie puts them over his lap. 

They sit in silence as they follow the soccer game, vaguely interested. 

Buck drifts off and startes studying Eddie instead of keeping track of the score. He has never been much of a sports fan. Most teams in highschool reminded him too much of Doug, his sister's cursed ex-husband. He joined the basketball team to keep himself in top shape, but he never got the competition, the rush or the meaning behind it. 

"What are you thinking about?" Eddie wants to know. He keeps his left hand on Buck's knees, but he doesn't need to look at his partner in order to sense something is bothering him. 

Buck answers with a shrug of his shoulders. 

"My family, I guess. Or the lack of thereof," he admits. "My father died five years ago and it still surprises me that I always miss the date. I never notice it beforehand, it's ... a side note." 

Eddie's squeezing his knee again, this time it's almost painful. They never talk about Buck's family. Due to the endless amount of teasing, the team knows Maddie took care of him a lot as a child. Perhaps they drew their conclusions and were afraid to ask. 

"You don't have to tell me, Buck. It's fine if you don't want to dig up old memories." Eddie reaches out to place his hand on Buck's shoulder but discovers he's too far away. Immediately, he etches closer until he can put an arm around his friend. "You have us. Is that enough for you?" 

"Yeah, I know." With a sigh Buck lets his headrest on Eddie's shoulder. "It's just ... it's not that I don't want to talk about, there's just nothing I can tell you. Neither of my parents were  _ there  _ for me ... or for Maddie. She did most of the work, being so much older than me." 

They never said it outright, but it's obvious that Buck's existence wasn't exactly planned. If it weren't for the fact that his mother went to church every Sunday, she might have gotten rid of him and spare herself the trouble. 

Suddenly Buck's world is tilting. Even his reflexes can save him when Eddie twists them around until Buck's leaning against a huge pillow while his partner is half-laying on top of him. 

"I'm here," Eddie says and his voice is rough. 

Buck can read the heavy emotions flickering through Eddie's eyes. The way his fingers tighten as he runs them through Buck's hair makes him swallow. Shifting his body in a more comfortable position is near impossible while his partner is pressing him down with all of his weight. 

Fighting back a groan, Buck says, "Yes, I know. I know that. You would never simply ... abandon me in my own home, because my existence is inconvenient." 

Maybe Buck said this on purpose. His stomach lurches when he sees the distant anger flickering across Eddie's face and it's not just the fact how close their bodies are pressed together. Buck knows that's not on the table today, they are both too tired and worn out for anything exciting, but his heart still pounds at having Eddie so close. 

"You will never be...," Eddie starts to say, but he cuts himself off in the middle of the sentence. 

Then he presses his lips on Buck's own, showing him what he can't translate into words. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your humbling support is the reason why find time for the fic despite wading hip-deep through the insanity of NaNoWriMo.

07\. rushed late for work kisses - a flash of heat before hurrying out the door. 

Despite their best intentions, Buck and Eddie don't talk about the kiss they shared. Eddie barely manages to press a kiss on Buck's forehead. His friend keeps nodding off, the long day finally catching up to him. The only words they share in front of the muted TV was the question of Buck's place for the night.

"Can I stay here on the couch?" Buck whispers, quiet enough to keep the fear out of his voice.

Eddie catches the meaning anyway.

His fingers linger on his friend's shoulder. A reassuring weight has done countless times while they were on shift. He is pleased Buck settles into the thick pillows of his sofa and his pulse slows down again. He doesn't mind that's too early to share a bed.

At least not tonight, when Buck is fighting raw emotions.

"You know where the blankets are," he says and climbs off Buck to head for the bathroom. "I will keep the bedroom door open for you."

Buck doesn't call Eddie out on his lie. The bedroom door is never closed, let alone locked. But that's for Christopher. The fact Eddie adds Buck into the equation, offering him to wake him up whenever he's in need for company, is almost too much for his flayed soul.

It's a relief when Eddie finally let's go.

The sound of footsteps finding their way to the bathroom is comforting. Buck lies back and listens to the usual sounds of someone getting ready for bed. It may seem odd, but he feels safer knowing Eddie not even the length of a firetruck away.

"Good night," Eddie whispers into the darkness when he switches the light off.

Buck answers in kind but refuses to move. He stares at the ceiling, drifting while the sports programme switches to late-night advertising. He keeps it running. The distraction is better than wallowing in denial. He won't find sleep anyway.

It's simply one of those nights where he can't turn his brain off. No need to keep the single father awake along with him.

Christopher will already be moody because of the lack of sleep tonight and cranky since his dad is heartless when it comes to school education.

This is what Buck tells himself. But there are other reasons why he doesn't crawl into Eddie's bed. It's strange and stupid. He has no such compulsions when Eddie is over had his house. It's not, because his bed is a slide bigger or he has difficulties finding sleep in foreign places.

Before, Buck had little trouble falling asleep on Eddie's couch. It's very comfortable. Lately, though, he feels stuck.

Too close to remain on the couch, not close enough to share blankets, pillows and early morning silliness.

Buck hates himself. He doesn't know how to do this.

His parents kept separate bedrooms as long as he could remember.

  
  


-

  
  


Eddie finds Buck rummaging through the kitchen the next morning. Way too early he might add, but he won't complain as a fresh cup of coffee is placed into his hands. He hums, content and happy as he takes the first sip. Not for the first time Eddie has to fight the urge to press Buck against the next available surface and kiss the life out of him.

Or into, given the dark rings beneath his eyes.

"Have you slept at all?" He asks.

One glance tells him that Buck already made Christopher's lunchbox, packed his schoolbag and set the table for breakfast. The sun has barely risen over the horizon, colouring Eddie's kitchen into a soft orange.

"Not long and not very well," Buck admits before returning to the frying pan.

Watching him cracking the eggs on the counter with trembling hands is almost too much for Eddie, but he reigns himself in and doesn't touch Buck. It's plain for everyone to see that he wants space right now. Offering comfort would only lead to Buck flinching away and feeling guilty about it.

It's hard, seeing Buck unhappy. His usual cheerful smile has vanished, buried beneath misery and turmoil.

Eddie consoles himself it's a step into the right direction that Buck feels secure in his and Christopher's house. Safe enough to let down his guard, as difficult as it must be for someone who had been told as a child that boys aren't allowed to cry.

"I will tell the captain, he's not allowed to call you in until you're well-rested," Eddie decides before Buck can argue about it. He fires off a text, clenching his teeth because this is the only thing he can do.

Buck trusts him, probably more than the most, but one hug and he will dissolve right in front of his eyes. It would do him good to let it all go, but that's not what Buck needs right now. He needs someone to told onto. Someone to lead him out of the burning maze. Someone who will talk him out of drowning in sadness and anxiety.

"Okay," Buck nods.

It takes a lot of self-control for Eddie not to have his knees give out under him right then and there.

Out there, when they are facing danger, Buck listens to him. Back home or at the station, it's different. Buck rarely listens when he has the option to ignore any healthy way to deal with his emotions.

Not that he's any better, but it took looking at Buck, staring at him _ a lot, _to recognize some of the patterns as his own.

He saw the pain. The insecurity. The longing beneath.

Eddie strides across the kitchen grabs Buck's shirt and kisses him. Heated and far longer than he has ever before, but it's the best and only way to get the message across.

Last night he wished for nothing more than Buck crawling into the bed with him. He respected his choice not, but he laid awake, listening to Buck's hesitant footsteps when he used the bathroom once and stopped before Eddie's open door. A couple of dozen heartbeats passed before the shadow figure retreated, padding back to the hard and uncomfortable couch.

"Eddie," Buck rasps when they part, breathing hard and clinging to each other.

"I will drive Christopher to school. Then we talk, alright?" Eddie brushes his thumb over Buck's lips. His skin tingles. "I want this so much, I want you in my life so damned hard every single inch seems like a mile, even if you are standing next to me. I want you to know that you can rely on me. Always."

"Yeah, I get it. Me too," Buck croaks. He sighs and lets his forehead rest on Eddie's shoulders. "But knowing isn't the same as acting on it. So, if I'm being weird..."

Since he can see the apology forming, Eddie kisses Buck again and it's the best thing that happened to him since becoming a firefighter. Two hands settle on his hips, fingers tugging at the hem of his jeans to haul him closer.

When he finally gasps for air, he can't tell if the keening noise is Buck's or his own. They have melted together with Buck ending up pressing Eddie against the kitchen isle.

Eddie's heart hammers, but his grin splits his face in half when he sees the churning doubt gone from Buck's eyes.

Christopher calling for him out of his bedroom is the only reason why he doesn't claim Buck's lips again. But he has every intention to do this again, soon, and get lost in the feeling.

  
  


  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *slams fist on the table* I am so done with the angst, damn it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay. In the last weeks, I was busy with Nanowrimo and while I didn't finish, it was fun. Now I have a bit more time to breathe and I wish to thank you for your patience. 
> 
> **Warning:** off-screen suicide and some heavy emotions in response to it

08\. comforting kisses - pressed to tear-stained cheeks between whispered words of reassurance and concern

  
  


All Buck can do is grab Eddie's jacket. He is forcing him to stand, to stay grounded as best as he can. The bright street lights are painful and turn Eddie's already pale skin ghostlike. Cold damp sweat runs down Eddie's skin when Buck grasps his neck. He hauls him close, hugs his friend as best as he can in the wide protective gear they are wearing. Unfortunately, Buck fears that Eddie isn't feeling any of it.

"Don't look at her, Eddie. Keep your eyes on me. Look me in the eyes and talk to me," Buck murmurs. He pats the other firefighter on the cheek.

Eddie's gaze is far away, but he must be registering Buck's words, somewhere deep down. His lips are moving, though no sound leaves his mouth.

Buck manages to hold a silent two-seconds conversation with Hen. With a single nod, she commands him to take care of Eddie. Out of the corner of his eyes, Buck catches Bobby quickly rearranging the teams. It is a relief. It gives him time and space to watch Eddie carefully, who shows signs of going into shock.

A whimper catches his attention. Eddie is visibly struggling with his emotions and Buck hauls him closer, lets Eddie rest his forehead against his collarbone. The sight of his boots on the wet concrete is not the prettiest, but right now it serves him well enough. It is the first step, Eddie is no longer staring at the body.

Carefully Buck pushes Eddie backwards, towards the trucks. Sad and cruel as it is, there is nothing he can do for the young woman who chose to end her life a few minutes ago.

Deciding the blue light of the sirens, the red reflections from the trucks and the sound of the ambulance in the distance isn't helping Eddie in the slightest, Buck manoeuvres Eddie into the car. When he is finally sitting down, Buck kneels in front of him, helping him out of the heavy jacket and pulls a blanket from one of the compartments.

"Evan..." Eddie's voice is small and far away. It worries Buck enough he refuses to let go of his friend's wrist, constantly checking is pulse. It is a little fast but steady enough.

"I'm here," Buck answers. He places his hand on Eddie's knee. "I'm here. Breathe, Eddie. Talk to me if you can."

It's heartbreaking, watching Eddie try to talk. More than once the words get stuck in his throat, but Buck waits. He turns into a rock, a life-line in an ocean of drowning madness. He is friends with Eddie long enough to be aware of how emotions were not often talked about in the Diaz household. Buck's own wasn't any better. He knows how difficult it is to forget a lifetime of _ 'Get over it'. _

Hence why he needs to be here, he wants to catch Eddie when he lets go. Maybe they could not talk Anna Moon away from the edge tonight, but he can prevent his friend from drowning in grief and sadness. The man in front of him never properly mourned for his wife, because he is convinced he never loved her as he should have in the first place.

It is almost a relief how Eddie's eyes turn red and tears run down his face. Thousand emotions break free and with a sob, Eddie launches himself at Buck. He wraps his arms around his neck to cry tears into dirty gear. Neither of them cares, Buck only embraces Eddie as tight as he can, holding his friend and hopes he will get through this moment which is probably the culmination of hits and setbacks Eddie had to endure lately.

"You are not alone," Buck promises. He presses a kiss to Eddie's temple while he runs soothing patterns across his back. "I won't go away, we are in this together."

Eddie's hold tightens. For a moment Buck considers calling Christopher. Hearing his son usually helps in tough situations and it'd not be the first time Buck is doing all the talking, because Eddie isn't trusting his voice. In the end, Buck decides against it. It's against everything he would normally do, but lately, Eddie has been deeply wrapped up in his Christopher's and the fast-paced life of the 118.

It is not the first time Eddie doesn't get much room to breathe, let alone have a moment for himself because his environment eats it all up.

Eddie deserves the opportunity to process today's events on his own and though Buck was firmly against it the first time it happened to him, he knows he will insist on the mandatory therapy session. Maybe he will talk Bobby into scheduling in a few more than necessary, simply because Eddie would never do it by himself no matter how much he will benefit from it.

His pride and his family would never let him.

At this moment Buck vows he will go _ with him, _drive him to the sessions and schedule in a few for himself if that is what it takes to get Eddie through this.

"I love you," Buck whispers. He has never been so confident about something. It's not even because Eddie is hardly going to remember anything from this evening, let alone these specific words. "I love you, Eddie. I swear, I'm going to be there. For all of it."

Repeating the words is just as easy as it was the first time. He wants this the first of many repetitions. Eddie deserves to be loved, he deserves care and comfort. Outside of his amazing parenting, the hardships that come with it and despite his incredible determination when he's out here with the 118.

The margin between being a father and a firefighter is narrow, but Buck senses the depths that is hidden between both sides. He wants to pry Eddie out of the tight shell he has wrapped himself and never let him go again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapters are more light-hearted, I promise. It's just I ran across an interview about parents who lost their child and I got inspired how Eddie would react to suicide on a case. What got me going, was Buck's confession/feeling realization. In light of his commitment issues, I wanted to show some of his thought processes. Especially given how _Eddie_ differs from all his previous relationships.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank minttobe_treehill. Bugging me always helps, because synch between writing, updating and reallife is always off.

09\. joyful kisses - peppered across foreheads and cheeks between scattered giggles.

Fire crackles up his spine and Buck moans softly when Eddie's hands run up his sides. He dips his head, searching for another kiss. His request is granted, easily and willing. Hands roughened from their daily work tease the edge of his shirt and Buck is glad they have time. It is the best kind of thing, able to kiss his partner whenever he wants. They are slow and unhurried, making his toes curl.

Eddie is in his lap. His legs stretch out behind him and Buck cannot focus beyond the tiny space they are occupying. Their phones have been discarded, lay forgotten on the table and only an emergency call could pull them from their haze. Buck is dimly aware time must have passed. The last slices of their pizza have gone cold and it's gotten dark outside.

"Hm," Buck hums. "This is good."

"Yeah." Eddie's answer is rough, but the goofy smile on his face matches Buck's own.

For a moment Evan Buckely stares at his friend and partner, barely capable of believing they finally made it this way. It was a long road and not always an easy one. You can't make plans as firefighter. It just made holding onto Eddie so much more important.

"What are you thinking about, sunshine?" Eddie whispers into his ear. The soft words are just as damning as the motion of Buck being slowly pushed into the cushions while Eddie made himself comfortable, unashamed of seeking delicious friction.

"You," Buck groans. His heart his hammering against his chest and his pulses races, picking up on speed when Eddie grins.

What destroys Buck is not the wicked expression and the stinging bite that follows, but rather how carefree his partner is acting. It's a struggle not to simply grab Eddie's hips and rut against him or get rid of the irritating shirt the very least. But the last weeks have been so good that he refuses to raze their progress into the ground.

Buck's head is swimming when Eddie allows them to breathe for a moment. Their ragged panting sounds deafening in Buck's otherwise empty house, but with barely harnessed desire shimmering in Eddie's eyes as well, he cannot imagine wanting to be anywhere else.

"Can we keep this up?" Eddie finally asks. He looks calm if a little serious. Enough to have worked himself up the question, so Buck keeps the jokes to himself.

His face must speak for himself, for Eddie's slaps him over the head when raises eyebrows to find their target at their pants which have turned uncomfortably tight a while ago.

"Not like this," Eddie murmurs in the usual tone when he believes Buck is acting like an idiot. "What I wanted to ask was if it's enough to have our dates here in the foreseeable future?"

"At my house? Yeah, sure. Why?" Buck swallows, his throat his almost too dry and has to wet his lips several times.

He's not internally screaming and losing his mind over the _ date _word, he's not. He never dared to ask, never approached the subject, because it always felt they skipped the traditional dating part. Aside from the few hours where he made a fool of himself after being introduced to Eddie Diaz, they got along swimmingly.

It's been such a gradual process Buck can't even remember when Eddie listed him as emergency contact for Christopher. Not just at his school, where it became important when a parent-teacher conference fell into a week where Eddie was on shift and Buck had a free day due to extra hours he put in last month.

With slowly approaching horror and understanding Buck realizes he could list any of Christopher's medical conditions to a paramedic, prescriptions and former surgeries included. Eddie's too, for that matter. 

Eddie kisses him again, thoroughly, and with a ferocity that frightens Buck before he pulls away and says, "Last week I talked with Dr Brown about priorities. She asked me where I felt safe, given how my perception of safety muddled over the years."

"Your answer is here, with me?" Buck doesn't question his statement. He knows it's true. They would not make it so far otherwise.

"With you, yes," Eddie nods. "I also realized how much I need the time we spend _ here, _even if it's beer, a movie or a few hours with your Xbox. There is always something going on with my family. Christopher's supervision when I'm not around is hardly a question anymore. I may not like it, but there is also someone around to pick him up from school. I'd rather have it if he's not going through five hands by the time I get off shift, but..."

"... but you can't help it and you feel you are not allowed to complain after all they are doing for you in the first place," Buck finishes the sentence.

One side-effect of their work is that there are often boring hours where they can do nothing but distract themselves. By now they must have filled days spend talking to each other in dim-lit situations, sharing thoughts and fears they would never confess to someone else.

"Yeah. I know, it's strange. Asking you _ not _to move in with me any time soon, but I like the privacy. Just the two of us. Your place is a sanctuary in a way my home is not."

Yeah, Buck could see why. Eddie's house is a much-frequented place. Just like the 118 always ending up at Athena's and Bobby's, the Diaz family walked constantly through Eddie's front door. It wouldn't surprise Buck if Eddie lost track of everyone who had a spare key.

"It's alright. We can be honest with each other with everything else, so why not this as well? " Buck gets what Eddie is asking for.

His partner just smiles and shakes his head like as always does when Buck's turn to be the sensible one.

Finally, Eddie decides he had enough of serious conversation for today. After placing a single, lingering kiss on Buck's forehead he shifts around, readjusting his legs and digs his fingers into the soft fabric of Buck's sweatpants.

Half-forgotten lust stirs again, growing insistent when the new position allows Buck to place his hands on Eddie's ass.

"Now," Eddie rumbles low and somehow manages to drape himself over Buck, effectively trapping him and pinning him to the couch. "Where did we stop?"

Buck's answer is a quiet whine.

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a grumbling European who usually avoids writing the Thanksgiving Theme with an obsession, usually because the internet just explodes with weird American traditions every year I don't understand, but this time it fit into the story frame.

soft goodnight kisses - exchanged on lamp-lit doorsteps on chilly autumn evenings. 

Autumn is usually a difficult time for firefighters. People underestimate the weather, the cold. The roads are often slippery and Buck stopped counting the car accidents they cleaned up since the beginning of September. The days around Thanksgiving are worse and Buck envies those who got the request for a day off granted. Eddie is one of those, but given his expression of having to face the extended family, he might not be entirely happy about it either.

For himself it's good enough to join Bobby's 118 belated dinner, usually a week after the madness has passed and before the population is fully caught in the Christmas spirit. He has not enough family left to celebrate it with and given the events of the last year, Maddie will be glad not to be haunted by memories.

Which is the reason why Chimney is currently driving him home after a long shift. A gruelling one, not just because the rain is still pouring from the sky. The windshield wipers lull him into a dreary mood as they struggle to give Chimney a chance of driving home safely. His friend graciously offered to drop him off, seeing no reason why two tired men should risk falling asleep behind the wheel today.

"So, what are you doing on this particular day?" Chimney asks after a while. "Maddie is your sister and I certainly won't mind if you join us."

Buck answer the question, because it's post-shift and one of these ass-hours where you can't tell anymore if you travelled a week into the future without noticing.

"A kind of offer, but we both know that Maddie wants some time with you, Chim. Me being there would ruin her idea of an enjoyable Thanksgiving Dinner - or lunch, depending on whenever you manage to make the hours work for you," he says and sprawls deeper into the passenger seat.

"Come on, it's not that bad, Buck. You can't tell me your sister is fine with leaving you sitting in our empty house and an eating plastic-wrapped turkey from freezer in front of the TV."

Chimney sounds irritated when he takes a turn. But that could be just the fact he's currently cursing a driver in front of them blue for being an irresponsible idiot.

It serves Buck well enough, for he's happy to avoid eye contact on this occasion.

"Ask Maddie about Thanksgiving at the Buckley's. Not today, not if you wish to ruin the mood, but before Christmas comes up," he suggests, gently. Buck's aware how important family is for Chimney, so it probably won't go into his head why two siblings celebrated holidays by exchanging postcards which said little more than current address and phone numbers.

Out of the corner of his eyes, Buck sees Chimney frown. He pretends not to see the hands gripping the steering wheel until the knuckles turn white. Well, maybe Maddie _ had _been a little forthcoming about childhood memories and family traditions.

Buck yawns, changing the subject, "Besides I'm driving the Diaz' to the airport in a few hours. They are visiting Eddie's parents and his sisters for a few days."

"Oh?" Chimney's eyebrows shoot up to his airline. He sends Buck an interested look before he has to focus on the road again. "Are you going with them?"

He nearly scoffs at the stupid question. Bobby sat down with the entire team to go six weeks ago over the roster. Their captain had been on the verge of tears when they finally figured a system that worked. Buck hadn't minded volunteering for overtime. It's one of those things where Bobby attempts that firefighters with families and children come first. The Thanksgiving weekend is always insane - Christmas is easier to manage as long as the weather plays along.

"No," Buck says, carefully insistent. Chimney never breathed a word about how close Buck and Eddie had gotten. The lack of teasing tells him the team is suspicious enough to back off, which is kind of nice. To placate his friend's potential ire and disappointment, he adds, "Not this time."

The admission is low, almost incomprehensible over the rain splattering against the car.

It's a relief when Chimney says nothing, only waits if Buck wants to go on.

"It would be too much of a hassle. Eddie never had a particularly easy with his family and spend most of his life running from the Swedish-Mexican marriage of his parents. Perhaps it was worse for him because he's the only son among three daughters, but the circumstances around Christopher's birth didn't help."

Chimney notices how closed off Buck appears. From what he gleaned from Eddie's tales, it's certainly not always rainbows and sunshine in the Diaz family. Meaning that the family spats went so far that there is a reason why a good portion is living in L.A and not in Mexico. It sounds bloody complicated and he can understand why Buck wants to stay out of it.

Which _ doesn't _mean, Chimney suddenly realizes, that Buck wouldn't have wanted to spend Thanksgiving with a very specific part of the Diaz family.

_ Fuck, _ he thinks, _ that explains his miserable face. _

He doesn't open the can of worms by asking what state their relationship had reached. In part, they are probably keeping it lowkey because they are afraid of what the Captain of the 118 would have to do if he learns about them, rather than what Bobby himself would think.

It's also not his business. He had long talks with Hen about representation. They ended up going in circles. He figured between Bobby's history and the team's colourful background, Buck should have in theory the easiest. Hen's vehement protest proved him wrong, but she had been involved with enough prides and parades to know her stuff, so he trusted her when she explained how toxic cis-male peer pressure can be.

Chimney sighs, inaudible, and decides he's too worn out for debates about white privilege, cross-generational history of abuse and indoctrination.

"Should I drop you off at Eddie's? It would save you a trip and Diaz won't mind if you take his car tomorrow," Chimney asks.

The dark and ugly weather around them makes it difficult, but the dim-lit streets in the rain can't hide how Buck's face lights up at the suggestion. Chimney's lips twitch. It's one hell of a detour but it obviously makes Buck happy and he has still a few hours until Maddie comes home.

-

  
  


They are pulling up at the street when Chimney watches Evan Buckley transform from a kicked puppy to an overenthusiastic golden retriever. He doesn't seem to notice the cold nor the rain when he jumps out of the car, grabs his back from the backseat and heads off to Diaz's house.

Chimney chuckles and waves, not having bothered to turn off the motor.

Knocking at the door and worrying over the ungodly hour is unnecessary because Buck has a key.

On his drive home, he contemplates if he can _ sell _Hen the information if she's still against taking bets.

In the rearview, he catches the sight of Eddie turning up at his porch with rumbled clothes and messy bed-hair. They are certainly a matching pair, Buck is just as tired. It doesn't stop him from kissing Eddie Diaz and given how he's not pulling away after a few seconds it's certainly more than just a peck.

  
  


-

  
  


"I thought you wanted to go home first?" Eddie rumbles. His voice resembles a bear in hibernation, like always when he's too tired to process the world around. He catches Buck's wrist and pulls him towards the bedroom.

There are at least three hours of sleep left before they have to get up, four if Christopher manages to sleep in.

"Chimney offer to drop me off," Buck explains. He drops his back next to the washing machine and follows Eddie. The hand is still firmly closed around his wrist. "He says sleep deprivation is a serious safety risk and he refuses to further feed our professional insomnia."

"Good man," Eddie grumbles and drags Buck into bed who has barely time to kick off his shoes before his partner wraps himself around his body like a teddybear.

Since he's not wearing jeans but soft sweatpants, Buck doesn't bother pulling them off. Instead, he hums as Eddie uses his collarbone as a pillow, quickly returning to sleep. A deeply integrated habit brought forth by years in the army and catching up on sleep whenever possible.

Buck fights the exhaustion, wanting to joy Eddie's warm embrace a few minutes longer, but it's a pointless endeavor. The rich scent in his nose, the warm sheets and the long legs tangling with his own are overwhelming, pulling under. His last thought is along the lines of hoping this arrangement should happen more often.

  
  


  
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank so much for your support. It's simply amazing!

11\. heated kisses - with gasps in between, hands tugging at clothes and exploring skin, bodies pressed close. giving in. 

  
  


If he has to be honest than Eddie will admit that December is gruelling. Less because of all the weird calls or how the days rush past with Christmas approaching like it's speeding. No, it's because he's so busy with everything that he has barely a free minute he could spend with Buck. Oh, they see each other at work and quite a lot outside of it, but they are never _ alone. _

Eddie feels like he's walking on eggshells by the time they reach the 20th December. He can only be grateful that his team members are too occupied with Christmas decorations, making plans and buying presents that they don't notice his predicament.

Like his eyes keep roaming over Buck's large frame whenever he can, finding inches of bare skin he wants to lick and taste. It raises the hairs on his neck, thinking about it what it would be like, crowding against his partner's back, pulling down the collar as far as he can and run his tongue over the exposed skin until he feels Buck's shiver.

During the day, Eddie is thankfully distracted. Though, living out of each other's pockets really doesn't do him a favour this time.

_ I'm going insane, _Eddie thinks during lunch with the 118 when Buck's thigh keeps brushing against his. They are only ten hours into the shift and it is the first time Eddie hopes for the alarm to ring. He doesn't know where to keep his hands if he's forced to spend the crawling hours right next to Buck without being able to touch him the way he longs to.

A few hours and several calls later Eddie stands next to Hen, listening to her going on about Denny's big pile of presents they accidentally ended up with and agreeing because it's not much different with Christopher when the most sinful groan reaches his ears.

He feels stupid for his mind immediately jumping to a dozen less innocent scenarios. In the end, it's just Buck drinking his coffee. But he keeps groaning, closing his eyes and slurping loudly until the cup is empty. When he sats it down, his eyes are shining with glee and Eddie grabs the table next to him in an attempt to steady himself.

"God, I needed that," Buck sighs, truly not knowing the kind of effect he has Eddie.

Some unseen power has mercy on Eddie. Before he can think of doing something stupid in front of the entire 118 Bobby calls Chimney and Hen into his office.

"What are doing at the end of our shift?" Eddie blurts out as soon as they are alone. His throat feels dry and rough, and though there is the entire kitchen between them Eddie can't get rid of the scent teasing his nose. "We would be free to do whatever we want after I drop Christopher at school."

As much as he loves his kid, after weeks of interrupted kissing sessions or getting him down from a sugar rush Eddie looks forward to a few hours without Christopher.

Especially if he reads the slow shift in Buck's stance right.

"Not much," Buck says. His blue eyes are intense, piercing and full of unfulfilled promises. "Thought about wrapping a few presents, but that can wait if you have other plans."

Eddie swallows thickly, not trusting his voice. He wants to grab Buck by his belt, pull him close until there's not a wit of space between them and kiss the life out of him.

"Later," Eddie rasps. "Don't forget it. It's a date."

He clenches his hands into fists and walks away. He is going to clean the entire ladder truck by himself if he has to. Anything to distract himself from the worst case of blue balls he had in a while. Perhaps the amount of time Buck devoted to the Diaz Family over the last two years is finally catching up to him. He has always been a private person and letting Evan Buckley into his personal space happened without him properly noticing it.

Now there is an incredibly attractive man walking in and out of his house, touching him with a casualness that breaks Eddie whenever he dares to linger on it.

_ Just a few more hours, _Eddie thinks, keeping a whine to himself.

The sound of Buck's amused laughter follows him through the whole station.

-

  
  


He gets through the next hours by channelling his army training. Suppressing any kind of inappropriate reaction while he's on the job, but it's a close thing. After the last call, an accident where a woman got stuck in a sewer after failing to notice the gully opening, Buck took onto himself to tease him with lingering looks, innocent touches and words whispered in his direction.

Nothing out of the norm, merely a bit of flirting, but today it's driving Eddie to the brink.

"No showers," he orders harshly when they get back and are free to go. "You can use mine while I drop Christopher off if you want."

"You want it bad, hn?" Buck chuckles when Eddie grabs his wrist and drags him towards his car. "We have only a few more days left before team six takes over, granting us a full week of vacation because it's gonna be us working on Christmas Eve. You couldn't wait until then?"

They agreed to wait until after Christmas to tell Christopher. Eddie suspects his son will take this as the best present ever, but they wanted to see how spending the holiday together would go before announcing to the kid that Buck will become a permanent fixture in their life. More, than he already is.

Honestly, Christopher isn't going to notice much of a difference.

Eddie, though?

He has been _ dreaming _about this, wilting away many nights alone in his bed after Buck went home, thinking about it how it would be to fall asleep next to someone on a regular basis. It never felt as right or as comfortable with Shannon as it did with Buck.

"No," Eddie growls. He starts the engine and rolls out of the parking lot because he can think of an alternative.

  
  


-

  
  


The door rattles as is slammed shut by Eddie, using his foot because his hands are too busy fisting his partner's shirt, yanking it over his head. From Buck's gasp, he's also a little too forceful when Eddie shoves him against the wall. The sound is quickly dosed as Eddie seals his lips over Buck's.

"Yes," Eddie growls. His mind falls silent as he gets lost. Heat surges between them and his heart canters in his chest, his pulse quickening when Buck licks into his mouth and lets his hands roam over Eddie's body, unashamed and intoxicating.

Eddie rolls his hips against Buck's. Once. Twice.

Hearing the small moan falling from his partner's mouth is the reward of a long, excruciating day. He catches the next one with his mouth.

"I wanted to do this since you walked into the station yesterday," Eddie says and keeps eye-contact when his hands slowly wanders over Buck's stomach. It brushes over the hem of the grey sweatpants and Buck hisses out a groan as Eddie rubs his palm against the bulge.

A firm squeeze has Buck keening and Eddie watches hips lifting upwards, chasing the friction.

"Fuck," Eddie breathes and Buck claims his mouth again.

Then his mind dissolves into white noise, pressure finally easing when Buck lets out a breathy moan and nudges him towards the bedroom. It's just a short walk, but they barely make it. Eddie's back throbs from when Buck shoved him against a picture frame and let Eddie ride the thigh between his legs.


	12. Chapter 12

12 .  long, slow kisses in the afterglow - fingers woven through hair and hearts beating in unison.

  
  


His heartbeat is finally slowing down, but Eddie's legs still quiver and he doesn't trust himself to move yet. Instead, he listens to his own ragged breathing and stares down at Buck. It's a sight he long couldn't imagine. For as much as he wanted him, Eddie fears they would mess up before they reached the last step. With living out of each other's pockets, he expected awkwardness ruining the day. 

"Fuck," he whispers, taking in the sight of Buck's disheveled hair, the red swollen lips and the naked, long body beneath him. 

He winces slightly when Buck shifts. 

"You should move," Buck says. One of his hands is still resting on Eddie's thighs. As if it didn't just slowly jerked him over the edge while Eddie slowly rode Buck until he couldn't remember his own name. 

"Yeah." Eddie takes a deep breath and lets Buck's soft member slip out. 

While it should be annoying or at least embarrassing, the burn is another reminder of how they barely managed to ask Carla if she could pick Christopher from school today ... somewhere between round two and three. 

Eddie doesn't make it as far as letting himself fall into the pillows. Instead, he plasters himself all over Buck, neverminding the sticky mess on Buck's stomach. It's far too enticing how their bodies fit, how Buck just grunts as he takes Eddie's weight and arms slip around his waist to steady him. 

Lips brush over his mouth, then trail down his neck. Buck says, "We should shower soon." 

His answering hum is made in a delirium. Eddie's still basking in the afterglow and the warm nest of pillows rumpled sheets and drying sweat on their skin. 

"I bet you are hungry as well." Eddie lets his head rest against Buck's collarbone. 

There is an entire list of things he should be doing. Open the windows, change the sheets and cook dinner. But right now he wants to enjoy the closeness as long as he can. Wrapped up in Buck's arms, sated and content, is a sensation he never wants to let go of. Under his fingertips, Buck's heart thumbs, clear and steady. A reminder of how he could have lost this, how Eddie might have ruined it and how scary the thought is of ever leaving this bed again. 

The army life is far away, but suddenly his mind provides images of bodies trapped in horrifying situations, blood splattered all over the ground and mixes with endless possibilities of how to end up in a car crash. 

It's idiotic how Eddie worries more about the partner in his arms than the kid he placed into the hands of a friend because he was too distracted holding onto his dear life and his sanity while Buck went on his knees to get his mouth on him. 

"Dinner can wait," Buck says. He runs his hands through the mess of Eddie's hair. "I'd rather stay like this." 

Fingers curls around his nape and haul him down for a kiss. It's unhurried, slow, in a way they just made love to each other. The other times Eddie honestly admits that they were too busy boning and screwing each other's brain out to properly appreciate it. 

"You can stay the night," Eddie says, gathering his courage. 

"I thought you..." 

Eddie shakes his head, not allowing Buck to finish his sentence. "I know what I said a couple of weeks ago and I still stand by the fact that I like your house as a child-free retreat. That doesn't change that I want you around. With Christmas around, I can't think of anything else than waking up with you." 

The light in Buck's eyes changes, just a little. It's a reminder that the world outside exists and that it wasn't always kind to him. 

In a show of gratitude, Buck takes Eddie's hand and weaves their fingers together, pressing a light kiss on the mouth instead of saying anything. They had the conversation, shortly after Thanksgiving. Mostly, because Eddie wanted to know what to say in case Christopher started asking questions about why Buck isn't getting any presents from his own family. 

"I'd love to stay." Buck shifts beneath him, roll them around until he's hover above Eddie. 

Who sinks deeply into the pillows that smell like Buck and that little fact alone is mouth-watering enough, let alone the firm muscles under his hands and the lack of clothing hindering him from further exploring. 

With delight, Eddie notices how Buck's breath hitches when he presses a thumb against a bite mark. 

"We did a number on each other," he states. There are bumps and scratches all over their bodies. 

Eddie is going to feel the ones on his back for days, not to mention the burn in his legs when he rode Buck's fingers. 

"Good," Buck rumbles. 

It takes him a visible effort to untangle himself from his lover. It's worth it, though, when Eddie can appreciate a nude Buck in the light of the bathroom. His mouth dries at the sight of it. 

Remembering that he's allowed to touch, that there's no one around to interrupt them, he presses himself against Buck's back. His partner is slightly taller but it's enough for Eddie to press a kiss on the back of his neck. 

His fingers squeeze Buck's ass when he whispers, "Shower? Or are you too worn out?" 

Buck's delicious groan serves Eddie well, rubbing himself against his lover's behind and tracing the marks he left with a possessive gleam in his eyes. 

Catching in the mirror, Buck's attempt to smirk falters when Eddie reaches around and slowly thumbs the head of his cock. 

"What do you want me to do?" Buck moans and opens the doors to shower. He drags Eddie inside, glad it's big enough for two of them. Thanks to being build with Christopher's needs in mind, they do not even have a shower frame to stumble across. He tightens his grip on one of the bars, whining as warm water runs across his skin and Eddie steals his breath with another filthy, utterly damming kiss. 

Buck shudders and his knees threaten to give out when Eddie whispers his answer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember: feedback is the best kind of gift!


	13. Chapter 13

13\. stay in bed kisses - mischievous and deep, punctuating flirtatiously whispered bargaining words. 

  
  


Christopher fiddles with his shoelaces too exited about the upcoming trip to watch his dad. Carla is packing his bag, tasked with getting the child safely to the airport until it's boarding time. Eddie hovers in the background but clutches the door frame with a steel grip to keep himself upright. He rubs his eyes, struggling not to nod off right there.

"Say our son goodbye and go back to bed," Carla orders. She gently pushes Eddie Diaz towards the bedroom. "You are too out of it after being up for over 24 hours. See some sense and go to bed."

She gets a grunt and a tired nod. A downright ghastly schedule allowed Eddie Diaz to celebrate Christmas Morning with his son, but the surrounding days looked horrible. To give him a little room to breath, the family decided that Christopher would spend some time with his grandparents. From what Carla heard over the phone while making arrangements, they were delighted - and Eddie too relieved to protest.

"Good night, Eddie. Sleep well, I see you in a few days," Carla says and ushers Christopher out of the door after the child hugged his father for the seventh hundred's time.

Her lips curl upwards when Eddie staggers back inside the house, eyes half-closed.

With the light from the kitchen falling into the darkened room, it's easy to make out the second person, huddled beneath the covers. Carla pretends not to be a witness of the scene when Eddie crawls back into the bed, wrapping himself around the very familiar frame.

  
  


-

  
  


Eddie swipes a hand over his face. For the last half-hour, he fought with his pillow, unable to get in the right position. The battle with the blanket he gave up a long time ago. Despite feeling like he walked away from a car crash, he's unable to fall asleep. The digital clock over Buck's shoulder tells him he's running on four hours of sleep right now and it shows. His head feels sluggish and odd thoughts cross his mind. He tries distracting himself by listening to the sounds coming through the open window.

Thanks to the army, a childhood with too many sisters and the schedule he keeps as a firefighter, he doesn't often struggle with insomnia. He gets used to falling asleep everywhere, napping whenever he can.

Ants crawling through his brain prevent him from finding any rest today.

All attempts to go back to sleep fail today. After another eternity, Eddie lets out a heartfelt groan. He shifts on the mattress again, turning over in the faint hope to doze off at least but he soon realizes the futility.

As he drags himself in an upright position, staring at his open bedroom door, he doesn't notice the arm sneaking around his waist.

"Don't mind me," Eddie mumbles. He runs a hand through Buck's short hair. "Sorry, if I woke you."

"Just stay." Buck nudges his nose against Eddie's hip.

"Can't sleep. I doubt I'll find any if I just lay back down again." He lets his fingers play with the hair just above Buck's ear. His partner grunts when he scratches the spot next.

Eddie's stomach flutters a little. He can't remember when exactly he learned all these intimate locations. With Shannon, he never got that far. It never occurred to him that there is something there is a gap to bridged until being around Buck taught him a new meaning of affection.

"Maybe all you need is to stop sinking for a while."

Buck's rough voice sends a pleasant shudder down his spine and Eddie lets himself melt back into pillows again. As he gets dragged down, warm lips tug at his mouth and catch every protest.

"Buck." Eddie forgets what he wanted to say.

His partner just sneaked a hand into his boxers, wrapping the fingers around his shaft and leaves Eddie gasping.

The younger man chuckles and steals more kisses as Eddie's hips jerk upwards, his cock hardening quicker than he believed it possible. But Buck draws this side out of him. Turns him pliant and wanting for more, simply by settling between his legs. The friction of the thin fabric separating them becomes nearly unbearable, adding to the teasing touch of Buck's hands and the hot wet trail of his tongue.

"Let's see if I can wear you out." Buck's panting, sounding far too excited for a man who just got off the same shift Eddie suffered through.

His own whimper at the first hint of Buck's mouth on his boxers teaches Eddie to be honest, the sudden jerk of his hips that are soon held on place by strong hands betrays his initial decision to leave this warm wonderful bed.

Soon Eddie's fingers tear the pillow above his head, writhing between tongue and fingers - and sobs after Buck whispers threats of ensuring Eddie's not leaving the bed anytime soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I intend to create a 911 series for my writings. From my experience, it makes subscriptions easier to handle. Especially when the author jumps between fandoms and the reader forgets why they followed this one in the first place.


	14. Chapter 14

14\. come back to bed kisses - left on A’s neck and shoulder, unhurried and tender, with arms wrapped around A’s waist 

  
  


Buck shakes his doze off in seconds. Staying absolutely still, he listens for the sound that disturbed him. There; footsteps coming through his house.

Eddie. He knows that treat. No one else barges in like this, claiming the kitchen, his fridge and the coffee maker with frightening familiarity.

Maddie knocks and calls out before entering, having learned caution the hard way. Chimney, despite stealing his girlfriend's keys from time to time, still rings the bell unless he has reason to worry.

"Eddie?" Buck calls out. Receiving no answer, he snatches his sweatpants from the floor and trots down the stairs. "...'s that you?"

His bare feet hit the cold kitchen tiles, but the sweet shiver running down his spine is caused by the sight of Eddie Diaz dressed in nothing but short pants and an open shirt. A possessive growl has him wrapping his arms around his partner who is putting the groceries away.

"You went out like this?" Buck's hands slip under the shirt.

The weather hardly calls for dressing up, especially if Eddie just dropped by the fuel station down the street. The oppressive heat trapped in the city of L.A. keeps the 118 in good business, but his partner rarely runs around bare-chested.

"I wanted to make it quick." Eddie humours him and angles his head to the left when Buck's warm breath hits his neck. Fingers trail over his abs and soon find a nipple to tease.

"Why did you leave in the first place?" Buck's other hand curls around the counter. Eddie catches how the knuckles turn white, despite only the street lamps lightening the house.

Eddie twists around, easy and comfortable with Buck encroaching him. He shakes of the shirt with one smooth motion of his shoulders. He steals a kiss, slow and searching until Buck breaks away, panting hard.

"We are almost out of lube," Eddie says. His hands find the small of Buck's back and the imprints the rumbles sheets left on his skin. "I had to do something against that."

"Really?" Buck asks, his breath puffing in Eddie's hair. "Then I should write you a recommendation. What a tragedy, imagine our dismay if I couldn't fuck in the shower in a few hours."

"That's ... that's why I went to get some more."

Eddie's eyes darken instantly, the memories of their established morning routine flooding his mind. In Buck's house, the shower is big enough for two, allowing Eddie to scramble the wall for purchase while his lover finds time and space to slowly spread him open. He often explores every inch within reach, as if he hasn't done it countless times already.

"I think we should go back to bed." Buck presses himself against Eddie whose hands come down to cup Buck's ass.

Buck pushes up against him, capturing Eddie in a kiss that leaves little room for innocence. Blindly he searches for the package, grabbing it as Eddie digs his fingers into his thighs.

"Upstairs." Eddie moans, pushing Buck backwards up the stairs.

They learned the hard way lifting another firefighter in his prime is not a sexy endeavor. Their job and the workouts between their calls makes sex against the wall a point in futility.

Eddie can live with the loss, the familiar weight pressing him into the mattress and straddling his lap, is just as enrapturing.

His hands and his mouth find Buck's naked skin. His lover drapes himself all over Eddie's body, huffing when Eddie has to catch his breath.

"I want to fuck you," Eddie whines against Buck's throat. The sweatpants are in his way, only increasing the hunger he found himself waking up to an hour ago. "Please, Evan, I need..."

"Yeah." Buck pants between the kisses and his fingers leave marks on Eddie's shoulders. "Yeah, hurry."

It becomes a practised dance as soon as Buck wriggles out of the sweatpants. Both men quickly lose their words, communicating in grunts and small moans and Buck tugging at Eddie's hair when he teases his opening too long.

  
  



	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Incredibly short, but fitting. I wish to thank you all for your amazing support. It's been a pleasure writing for the 911 fandom and it certainly won't be the last time you have seen me. 
> 
> Happy New Year, Everyone.

15\. morning kisses - gentle and lazy, humming in contentment, limbs still tangled together, hands wandering over soft exposed skin.

  
  


Their relationship had been going on long enough. Neither of them ever marked a specific date, unable to tell when their growing friendship simmered into lust. In a similar way, Buck and Eddie didn't announce their relationship.

They told Christopher, of course. But that had been more confirmation on a Tuesday Evening when Buck put the boy to bed.

Nasty words and broken promises rule past relationships too much, so neither Buck nor Eddie put stock in them. They learned to communicate with touches and glances, presenting a united front and a pair so completely in synch that Maddie joked that had then been women, their periods would have aligned by now.

Any fights or arguments they bickered over at the 118. Tight situations on the job taught them to focus on what mattered. Trying to rescue people from certain death every day makes arguing about old toothbrushes a moot point.

-  
  


One very early morning Buck and Eddie are sprawled out on a bench. Their shift hasn't ended yet, so they use a quiet moment for themselves. The sun is slowly rising over L.A, the first people pass the station on their morning run. Buck has his head on Eddie's shoulders, dozing and taking a quick nap.

Eddie has his arm wrapped around his waist when Bobby steps out, two cups of coffee in his hand. He doesn't move it away, doesn't pretend the situation isn't exactly what is seems.

"Thanks," Eddie says quietly and places Buck's cup on his left before taking a sip of his own.

"Congratulations." Bobby nods towards the pair. The slow shift in Buck's posture indicates the firefighter isn't as knocked out as he pretends to be, but apparently he sees no reason to stop snuggling Eddie in front of his boss. "If you would like, come to my office in the next few days. I will update the paperwork, there are a few benefits to be reaped if you decide to make it official."

"We will drop by, Chief." Eddie's smile could light up entire L.A. for it's brighter than the soft glow of the sun. "Thank you for your patience with us."

"Enjoy your morning coffee, Diaz, and tell Buck we're most likely heading out again in twenty minutes." With these words, Bobby is heading back inside.

Eddie takes another sip from his coffee, places a kiss on Buck's forehead and spends the rest of the morning rubbing circles on the small patch of naked skin on the small of Buck's back.

  
  



End file.
